Are you stuck in your old stories?


By Stephane Leblanc, Founder and CEO, International Centre for Conscious Leadership

Have you tried to give some constructive feedback to someone you work with or someone you love and they can't seem to hear you? Every time you try to give them this feedback that you consider important for their growth or your relationship, it always results in unnecessary drama? Do you feel that this person is more intent on proving you wrong than receiving the feedback and using it to improve?

The problem is that they cannot hear you as they are stuck in their stories. They only hear what they want to hear or what they have been conditioned to hear. As long as they are stuck in their own stories, they won’t be able to hear you.

All of us are running these scripts that run inside our heads about who we are and how we choose to show up in the world and generally, they are not very accurate. These scripts tend to be based on the fears and limiting beliefs that keep us small and prevent us from rising to our full potential and achieving the true greatness that is our birthright. These scripts also prevent us from truly connecting with others.

It takes an open mindset and enough awareness to be able to receive constructive feedback and to be able to discern it from feedback meant to hurt us. Many people are intent on proving to the world that they are perfect so they mostly have a closed mindset and are not able to receive constructive feedback, even when it comes from someone that truly loves them and is intent on helping them grow. 

Someone with an open mindset does not shut down and create drama every time they receive constructive comments. They receive it with an open heart, embrace it and seek to grow and evolve with it.

How do you react when someone has the courage and cares enough to give you constructive feedback? Do you make the person welcome or do you make the person feel bad? Do you show everyone that you have an open mindset and love to receive feedback as you are deeply committed to your growth or do you demonstrate that you are completely shut down to feedback?

On the flip side, have you tried to say something to someone you love and they just don’t get it as they clearly show that they are not even willing to hear it? You need to realize that you can’t change people’s stories for them as it's just not possible. They live their stories every day. They need them to exist. It’s not your job to fix anyone or save them. They can only same themselves.

If they cannot hear what you are saying to them, maybe it is because it is not the right time for them to do that inner work to free themselves from their limiting stories. Maybe it is because they voluntarily choose to remain small and not embrace their greatness.

You don't have to keep using your energy on them. Not everyone is able and ready to rewrite their stories by letting go of the stories that limit them and embracing stories that propel them. Some prefer to relive their old stories over and over again because it is easier than trying to grow into new and unknown territory.

Are you stuck in your story? Do you want to be free? Are you ready to learn to let go of what limits you and open up to a new way of being. Life is too short to keep yourself stuck. If you stay stuck in your story, you will never truly hear anyone and be able to see that there are better stories for you to embrace that would serve you much better.

It might be time to go out and find it.