No One Can Make You Feel Anything


By Stephane Leblanc, Founder and CEO, International Centre for Conscious Leadership

Throughout their lives, most people have learned to blame others for their emotional upsets and only a few people are ready to assume full responsibility for all their emotions.

I have been on this journey myself and it took quite a lot of efforts and lots of learning to finally get that I, and only I am responsible for all my emotions. That no one can make me feel anything. No matter that happens.

I have finally realized that it is not what happens that matters, as we all go through challenging times at various parts of our lives. In fact, almost every day. What matters most is how we react.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose our response. In that choice, life our growth and freedom. - Victor Frankl

In our brain, we have an old brain called the reptilian brain and a new brain called the neocortex. In the reptilian brain, there is a part called the amygdala responsible to keep us alive. If we perceive a threat, our amygdala triggers a fight, flight or freeze response before we have a chance to process whether a threat is real.

Our neocortex is the reasoning part of our brain. When engaged, it allows us to respond creatively. By asking questions in the face of a perceived threat. we can have enough time and the appropriate neural response to engage the neocortex.

All it takes to engage the neocortex is a few seconds. Before we lose our calm in a meeting when we are triggered and say something that can damage relationships or put us in an embarrassing situation, we can pause for two seconds and give ourselves a chance to choose an appropriate response.

It also helps to recognize our triggers, as these can be words, behaviours, values and actions from others.  To know what usually get us upset.

To gain personal mastery, we must assume 100% responsibility of our emotions and thoughts.

The meaning you give to a situation creates your reality. The reality you create is based on your beliefs. Your beliefs are based on your past history and they are the filters that give meaning to your world.

Are you ready to be fully responsible for all your emotions?

 Are you ready to be a master of yourself?

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