Respecting boundaries

pic boundaries.PNG

By Stephane Leblanc, Founder and CEO, International Centre for Conscious Leadership 

As many if you know, I am a very enthusiastic man with boundless energy.  Some people describe me as blazing fire or a tornado.  This boundless energy can often be contagious for many people and it can also be too much for others.

As wise man in Sweden once told me: “Stephane, less of you would be more of you."   I was struck with curiosity when I heard this.  If you know anything about the Swedish culture, you will know that they value conformity which is quite a distinction to our North American culture where are taught to differentiate ourselves.

When I meet someone with whom I have a heart connection, I always see endless possibilities for co-creation and I can get over enthusiastic for some people.  As I am a very creative and curious man who always seeks wisdom, I have a tendency to over share.  Some people really appreciate all I share but for most people, I share too much as they cannot absorb all I share.  Some even feel as if I am invading their space.

Recently, a new women friend gave me a precious lesson.  As we are both authentic people with an open heart with a mission to raise consciousness in society, I have had so many ideas as to what we can co-create together and I have shared all these ideas with her as they arose.  She received all these ideas with excitement but she also asked me to pace myself as she could not keep up with me and she felt that all my shares were invading her sacred space and were affecting her need for presence and balance.

As I often do, I did not fully hear her need and I continued with all my shares as I cannot stop creating.  Then she did something unexpected for me, she stopped responding to my communications for several days.

This triggered me deeply as it awoke old wounds about my fears of being rejected and being abandoned.  As she stayed silent, I tried to re-establish the communication but she stayed steadfast in her intention to honour her needs for space and teach me a a precious lesson.

While this was going on, I had an honest conversation with one of my best friends who is also a trained psychologist.  He taught me about secure attachment and boundaries.  How the lack of secure attachment between a mother and child can lead to the inability to honour and respect others boundaries.  I don't remember much about the time I was a young child but this concept of learning to honour others boundaries fully resonates with me.

Sometimes, I get my own medicine as some of my Facebook contacts get over enthusiastic in sharing with me and when this happens, I always start laughing as I realize how I do this to people I love.

This woman and I have now rekindled our relationship even more deeply and I am now more aware of the need to fully understand the needs of all the people I am in a relationship with, especially the people I love. I am profoundly grateful for the lesson she taught me as this will help me transform myself one more time and improve the quality of my being in relationships.

If I have ever invaded your space, I am sorry.

I am far from mastery but I am committed to transform this part of me to be able to honour the needs and sacred space of all who are in a relationship with me.