Respecting other people boundaries

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By Stephane Leblanc, Founder and CEO, International Centre for Conscious Leadership 

As many of you know, I am a very enthusiastic person with boundless energy.  Many people who know me say that I am the most intense person they know.

I was always like this and it seems to be even more intense since I have embraced my life purpose to be a catalyst for the rise of consciousness as I see the urgency to transform leadership in all organizations to create a better world.

Some people describe me as blazing fire or a tornado.  This boundless energy can be contagious for some people and it can also be too much for others. I have realized that this can be helpful in creating a global movement of conscious leaders and that it can also create many challenges in my relationships as I am not so good at respecting other people boundaries.

A wise man in Sweden once told me: “Stephane, less of you would be more of you."   I was struck with curiosity when I heard this.  If you know anything about the Swedish culture, you will know that they value calm and collected behaviour and frown upon people that are too excited.

When I meet someone with whom I have a heart connection, I always see endless possibilities for co-creation and I often get over enthusiastic. As I am a very creative and curious person who always seeks wisdom, I have a tendency to over share and be too enthusiastic in my communications.

Some people really appreciate all I share but for most people, I am too much and some think that I invade their space.

I know this as several people I really care about have shared this with me and yet, it seems I have not yet learned to manage this to respect other people boundaries as I have not learned to manage my energy and enthusiasm.

This has also translated in the way I lead my business as I have a tendency to share too much on social media and send too many emails to my clients. My intentions are always good as I want to help people grow and transform and ensure everyone is aware of our activities, but as they say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. In my case, my good intentions does not justify me invading the space of my clients and those that re close to me.

Recently, a close friend gave me a precious lesson.  As we are both authentic people with an open heart and a mission to help leaders raise in consciousness, we are engaged on sharing our mission as we collaborate to organize transformational events together.

Recently she asked to meet me to share how she felt about my oversharing and her message went straight to my heart as I realized through her energy and her words, that I had completely invaded her space with my oversharing and that she was questioning if we should continue to work together as my way of being made her uncomfortable as she realized that being in communication with me took so much energy from her that it drained her energy, and that all my shares were invading her sacred space and were affecting her need for presence and balance.

As she shared this with me, I was sad as my intention is never to have such a negative impact on someone I love. As I continued to open my heart and allowed myself to be touched by her message, I had a profound realization that it is often challenging to be me as I am always working and very rarely take any rest.

This is based on old programming from my 30 years in traditional business where we were connected 7 days a week and were “always on” to deliver on all the stretch goals of the business.

I recently had an honest conversation about this with one of my best friends who is also a trained psychologist and he made me realize I am an addict. Yes, I am addicted to doing and often feel uncomfortable when I am not doing which is why it is such a challenge for me to spent time just being.

Sometimes, I get my own medicine as some of my Facebook contacts get over enthusiastic in sharing with me at night and over the week end and when this happens, I always start laughing as I realize how I do this to people and the impact it creates in their lives

I am profoundly grateful for the lesson that my dear friend taught me as this will help me transform myself event more to improve the quality of my being in all relationships as I commit to be mindful of respecting other people boundaries.

If I have ever invaded your space, I am sorry. I will do my best not to do it again.

I am far from mastery but I am committed to transform this part of me to be able to honour the needs and sacred space of all who are in a relationship with me.